Getting the right latch with your newborn turns into.. keeping your distracted 3 month old latched on for a full feeding which turns into... balancing starting solids and nursing with your 6 month old which turns into... your 9 month old teething and comfort nursing for what seems like all the time which turns into... your 12 month old trying to nurse upside down while playing with a toy. Before you know it, you've hit a year and you find yourself saying things like:
You scratched my belly
Stop poking my eye
Don't pick my nose
No fingers in my mouth
Sit still for milkies
Don't lift my shirt in public
No twiddling mommy's other nipple
Gone are your worries about whether your supply is sufficient, the latch is good or not, and how you will possibly make it to a year. Now you have new worries- like teaching some nursing manners so they don't drive you nuts! Starting nursing manners early on is a great way to avoid issues later down the road. If it slipped your mind or you didn't expect to nurse past 1 (like me) this is definitely not a case of not being able to teach an old dog new tricks. It's never too late to start!
The first thing you should do is evaluate your expectations. Be patient and remember that behavior changes take time. Sometimes they are just in a wonky stage and you have to wait for it to pass.
It's probably not realistic for a 15 month old to say "I would like milk, please." and sit patiently while you grant their request. Maybe when they were younger, you started doing sign language. Maybe not and maybe you have no interest in learning or teaching signs- but what you can do now is start a signal for nursing so your little one can let you know when they would like to nurse. For some it may be a hand gesture, taps on the arm, or a specific noise. Just pick something and practice using it every single time they nurse. If they lift your shirt, lower it and practice the signal. Reward their consistency with lots of praise. With frequent use, they will get the hang of it. If they are older, only nurse them when they use their signal.
With toddlers, teaching them anything at all takes boat loads of patience and consistency. If you're okay with them gently touching your face while nursing, teach gentle touches by holding their hand and demonstrating on your face and praising their efforts. If you don't want your face touched at all, consider holding their hand or giving them a soft blanket to caress. Maybe even a nursing necklace or soft scarf you can wear. It's normal for them to seek sensory soothing.
For toddlers who like to practice nursing gymnastics, having a key phrase to address their behavior is a good idea. "Sit still" is a good reminder and something like "No milk while you're squirming" is clear and direct as an explanation if you end the session because of the behavior. If they have excess energy, throw an impromptu dance party and get some of that energy out. You could also try wearing them in a carrier or nursing them in a quiet, dark area to keep distractions to a minimum. A trick that worked well for us was reading a book to my toddler while he nursed. He wanted to see the pictures on each page so he sat still.
You may have a toddler who uses their signal consistently but wants to nurse constantly and you are at your wits end. It may be time to slowly limit the number of sessions you allow. Keep in mind this is technically a form of mother-led weaning and your toddler should have a well established and nutritious diet so the lack of nursing frequency is not damaging to their health. This doesn't mean you are weaning your toddler completely but night weaning and cutting out daytime nursing sessions means you will get less sessions and your supply will gradually lower as each cut occurs. Alternatively, you can let your child drop sessions on their own which would be considered child-led weaning. It's okay to do one or the other or a combination of both. It's your breastfeeding relationship and you will know what is best. We have a TOTD on weaning with more information.
Anytime you feel that your little one is pushing the boundaries or forgetting their manners, feel free to break their latch and end the nursing session temporarily. Reiterate their manners and offer again or just wait until they ask again. Be consistent, though. I can't say this enough.. patience and consistency is key.
Setting appropriate nursing manners can ensure a mutually beneficial nursing relationship that continues for months, years, or however long you both desire.
Happy nursing, Dairy Queens!
