The Slippery Slope of Support

Support: it’s a word that gets thrown around a lot online, but what does it really mean? A lot of times a website, group, or person will say they are supportive, but when you dig deeper it turns out that they are only supportive to a point. There is normally a “but” added or an “if”. If you look up support in the dictionary it will tell you many different meanings, however the one that fits the best with breastfeeding is “actively interested in and concerned with the success of”.

Support is huge on a breastfeeding journey. A new mom who has no support will feel isolated and often times not meet her goals. It makes it harder for her to continue on her breastfeeding journey if she is being told she is doing something wrong and constantly having to defend her decisions. This is especially hard when the people who are being discouraging are friends, family, and even medical professionals. Many medical professionals will claim to be “supportive of breastfeeding” until a bump in the road occurs, then their story will change and suddenly they will instead start offering contradicting advice.

Sometimes friends and family will offer what they feel is support, however to a vulnerable new mom it is not. Being told things like “it’s okay to just give formula” or “you tried your best” can seem helpful in the moment, but may not be what the mom needs to hear. Many moms feel guilt when struggles arise on their breastfeeding journey and statements similar to those above can make that guilt worse.
So how can we offer support to breastfeeding mothers to empower them to meet their breastfeeding goals?

Most importantly is we can acknowledge her feelings. The frustration and struggles a new mom feels are common, and telling her this can help her feel normal. Statements such as “you are doing a great job” and “I know this is hard, I’m so proud of you” can really give a mom a moral boost that can help her get through a rough day. Ask a mom what she needs for help. What we think may be helpful to a mom may actually be the opposite. Don’t assume, ask.

Dairy Queens has support in our title, and our mission it to support all moms on their breastfeeding journey. Every mom and baby dyad is unique and every breastfeeding journey is different. Our goal as a group is to offer you the most up to date evidence based advice to help you meet your goals. This means we will always provide you with help and support and never judge you for your personal journey. We support moms who exclusively pump, who work, who want to wean after only a few months, and who want to nurse for 4 years. Your journey is yours alone and we are here to support you on it.

Nipple Shields - Ins, Outs, and All Abouts!

Many breastfeeding mothers have heard of a nipple shield. Your local target or Walmart typically carries them, and many hospitals hand them out to new moms without a second thought. So, what is a nipple shield, and when might you use one?

A nipple shield is a piece of silicone you put over your nipple to relieve discomfort and/or help baby latch better. The end of the shield has holes for your milk to come out.

Nipple shields can help a struggling new mom with latch issues or one who has had serious nipple trauma. However they are not a one size fits all solution; in many cases they are simply a band-aid masking a bigger issue. 

While suggesting a nipple shield to a new mother may seem like helpful advice, nipple shields should only be used under the supervision of an IBCLC. The nipple shield is a tool to assist in breastfeeding, but you still need to find the root cause of your nursing issues. 

There are downsides to nipple shields. Nipple shields have the potential to restrict milk flow, and this can cause weight gain issues with some babies. Babies who are struggling to transfer effectively will struggle more with weight gain using a shield as they cannot get all the milk. If your baby is struggling to transfer you need to figure out why. Over time the shield may help your baby latch, but you’ll have other struggles with weight gain. Using a shield for a long period of time can sometimes impact supply. 

Nipple shields can also be helpful in some situations. Moms who have nipple damage can use one temporarily to help their nipple heal. Babies with different needs like preemies, for example, may be able to latch better with a shield. A mother's anatomy may also be as such that a shield can help a baby latch better for a a period of time.

The big takeaway with nipple shields is that they can be a useful tool, however they should not be used without the supervision of an IBCLC. The IBCLC can help make sure you have addressed the underlying issues that caused you to need the shield in the first place and also assist you in weaning off the shield as your little one gets older.

NICU Support From A Mom Who's Been There

As dreams of baby doing the breast crawl and that perfect first latch in all of its euphoria are snatched from your freshly postpartum mind, you stare at your new baby tied to tubes, struggling, not being held and comforted but instead alone on a mattress.

Instead of the idyllic golden hour, your baby was whisked away to be cared for by specialists. As grateful as you are, the natural cocktail of postpartum emotions coupled with the shock and trauma of your baby needing more than you can provide nearly sends you reeling into an immediate post partum depression. What is a mom to do when her baby needs NICU care but she also desires to provide the baby breastmilk? There are so many variables at play. So many additional thought processes and considerations. Doctors and specialists are supporting baby with various therapies and treatments and the mom is often left to navigate a new medical world while also navigating new motherhood. When my third son arrived nearly 6 weeks early, I felt cheated out of all of the first precious moments I had with my other babies. Not only that, but I was in utter shock that my baby was not allowed to nurse. What do they mean I cannot breastfeed him? Are they not going to feed my baby? Breast milk is the food of the gods, right? I desperately desired to hold my precious newborn to my breast and offer safety and nourishment. I listened to the team of professionals. I worked on hearing them and truly tried to understand their intentions and reasoning. However, I also engaged them in conversations about breastfeeding. When will it be safe for my baby? What steps need to be taken to assure baby gets my milk? What are signs that baby is ready? When is it safe medically to attempt to nurse? These are all questions I asked and wrote down responses to. NICU moms quickly realize they are their child’s advocate. You are the one that remembers things often not brought to the forefront of the conversation. So, from one mama to another, I offer up a list of ideas for how to establish a breastfeeding relationship in the NICU.

1) Take care of yourself. Baby needs you. Baby will eventually need your milk. Drink. Eat. Sleep. Really, don’t forget these things. No amount of crying and praying at baby’s NICU crib will help as much as keeping yourself healthy and ready to get milk to baby.
2) Ask questions and present your ideas. Yes, it is intimidating to be surrounded by professionals, but your baby has only one birth mother. You are created to advocate for him or her. Speak up and engage with the team about your baby’s care. 3) Ask for lactation to support you. Request a pump if baby cannot nurse immediately. Pump every 3 hours around the clock. The NICU can provide labels and storage containers as well as freeze your milk.

4) Accept help. Other NICU moms can become friends. Their experiences will be gold for you. Many hospitals have patient advocates and parent to parent groups that will come to you in the NICU. Remember it is never all or nothing. Sometimes interventions are needed. Sometimes things don’t go as planned. Maybe baby can only get breastmilk through a tube. Maybe it has to be fortified. Maybe baby can only nurse once a day. Any breastmilk is beneficial.


5) Do skin to skin and kangacare as often as they will permit. Even if baby is not latched and nursing, skin to skin promotes the hormone release necessary for breastmilk production. Enjoy snuggling that precious baby.

You’ve got this, mama. You are a Dairy Queen.